I Am a Football Mom

Friday Night Lights has been under way for a couple months now.  Years in the waiting! What an exciting night to look forward to when your son plays quarterback!  This year has been a little different though.  Instead of seeing my son start the game, I've seen him on the sidelines.  Some games he plays 5 minutes, others games maybe part of the last quarter, and then there has been a couple that he didn't play at all. Although this has been hard for all of us, I want to share why I stand in great admiration of my son! I am choosing to focus my attention on who he is during this long wait. He is one I am extremely proud of!

 To understand where I am coming from, it would help a little to learn about my son's background . He has been playing football since he was 7 or 8. He loves it! He has played quarterback and knows his position very well!  What started off as a fun game of flag football, turned into a passion for the game! From flag football he played tackle for a few years and then it was onto High school ! He was playing basketball too, but now it was time to get serious and really start pursuing his dream!  He has gone to quarterback training camps, received private lessons, and trained trained trained!  In the weight room and any other facility that would help him to get better!  This has pretty much been a year round endeavor.  Training is a part of him! His heart has always been completely committed to the game.  I don't think I've ever heard him complain?   He has never been "given" his quarterback position.  He has battled and persevered his way into being the "starter".   Both freshman year and sophomore year he was awarded Offensive MVP and he was very successful. Never proud or arrogant, just loving the game! 

Here we are in his Junior year.  Knowing he has worked exceptionally hard since last years season ended, we all had high hopes for his first varsity season!  When I say work hard, I mean he took maybe a week or two off last December and one week off in July. That's it. He hasn't missed one practice! He has been sick, fever and all and still fulfilled his commitment.  His choice.  With all that he has invested, how can he not be discouraged? How can his dad and I not be disappointed?  When I say disappointed, I am not referring to my son.  I'm referring to the game.  The outcome thus far.  I've sat in the bleachers with such a heavy heart for my quarterback.

So how is it that I stand with admiration of my boy even when he is on the sidelines? Almost every week tears run down my cheek when I see what a strong team player he is. Whether it's on the field or sidelines. He ALWAYS is the first to high five or congratulate players on a good catch, hit, or touchdown! He paces that field and keeps his head high with enthusiasm while he waits and hopes to be put in. His attitude is a perfect reflection of who he has become. The year is not over yet, and we are still hoping and trusting in God's perfect plan for our son' s life. We know playing or not playing doesn't define his value or worth. We support him no matter what!

Do you know what God has been teaching me through this? All these character traits my son is learning and developing in his life will never go to waste! Perseverance, determination, commitment, focus, hard work, humility, and heart are all a part of my son! These qualities are going to make him a great husband, father, and employee or entrepreneur one day. See, he's learning that sometimes when things get a little difficult or uncomfortable that you just don't quit! You stay focused and determined! You never give up! He's learning that there is always competition, but hard work will pay off! He's learning that sometimes circumstances around his life, have nothing to do with his lack of ability. He's learning that God has a perfect plan for him. These days are long. School, practice, homework, and sleep. Day in and day out. For a lot of teens, this can get old. For a few though, the reward will be great!

I am trusting God, praying daily for my son, and I will be in those bleachers with my heart beating with pride for #3. I will give him all the support he needs! To God Be The Glory! Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight. Proverbs 3:5, 6 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. Jeremiah 29:11-13 In their hearts humans plan their course, but the Lord establishes their steps. Proverbs 16:9

Watching My Daughter Stand Tall

I've always tried to make sure that my children have had opportunities to fly their little wings and use the gifts that God has given them. When my oldest son was little, I let him try everything. As he got a little older his passions became evident in basketball and football. My husband coached him in both sports from the time he was eight, till he was in high school. Lots of practices and games on the weekend. Time that was well spent! I believe most of my son's hard work ethic is a direct result of everything he learned from my husband!

In the meantime, my daughter has spent many weekends supporting her big brother! That's been a normal in her life. Sometimes watching three to four games during a tournament or sitting on the bleachers in the blazing hot sun for a football game. She is one of his greatest fans though! Unlike her brother, athleticism isn't one of her strengths. She could really care less about a basketball game or football game! God had something totally different in mind when He created this beautiful girl. I've struggled at times with her ambition and ability to try anything! Can't she just find one thing she likes and work hard at it? Instead she likes to try new things with the change of the seasons. At times this frustrates me, because I want to fit her in the same box as her brother. Instead, I have to remember that she didn't come into this world to be my masterpiece. She belongs to someone so much greater than I! She was created in a way that surpasses my knowledge and understanding! I can't let my fears of what she will or won't be, prevent her from flying.

God has blessed my girl with many gifts, but this one gift, I admire the most. Perhaps it's because I know it has nothing to do with anything I did, and everything to do with God's handprint on her life. Ever since my girl was little she has had this ability to get in front of a large crowd and perform fearlessly. When she was six she auditioned for Annie and had to sing by herself in a huge auditorium in front of a few hundred people. Momma was sitting there shaking and she sings the lines with full confidence. Then when she was 8 years old she spoke at my grandfather's memorial service on a stage in front of a large crowd again. This wasn't a couple of cute lines. This was her interpretation of why he was her hero. A priceless moment I have captured in my heart. Then 6th grade rolls around. Finally she is old enough to run for ASB! Once again, she speaks with confidence even though her microphone went out. Unfortunately she didn't win. Do you think that would stop her from running this year? Of course not! Not only is she running, but she chose a position where the competition is going to be intense. She had opportunity to take the easy road and win a certain position automatically, but that's not my girl. She is definitely a risk taker! To be honest, I tried to coerce her into taking the easy road. Let's just be safe. Let's be realistic. I don't want to see her experience another loss. I don't want to feel the pain of possibly watching another election go by defeated. Sometimes our most heartfelt intentions can be used as road blocks in our children's lives. This day she didn't need her mom to keep her safe, she needed her mom to lock arms with her and believe in her! Once again I almost let my fears crush her amazing ability to dream big and go for the best! I was quickly convicted, apologized and jumped on board! Having my unconditional support was huge to her. Side note. It's never too late to Stop. Make a U-Turn and start all over. Sometimes us moms start going on and on even though we know we are wrong and we let pride take over. Maybe I'm the only one? Let's humble ourselves and admit we don't know it all and choose the road that will help our children grow and thrive! 

Tomorrow my girl will go before her classmates and give her speech. I will be praying that she does her very best! I will be in the crowd cheering her on. Do I want her to win? Of course! To me she has already won though. She is brave and courageous! She has this confidence and determination that brings her to speak. I admire it so much. I pray that she will only grow stronger in this gift and that Christ would be reflected in all she does! Winning or loosing this election does not define her. She is "God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them" Eph. 2:10. God will fulfill his purpose in her life and I need to trust in His plan. I need to seek His wisdom and knowledge so I won't be a road block, instead I need to grab the shovel and start digging with her as she digs deep for her dreams and God's plan for her life. To God Be The Glory!!

You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother’s womb. Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex! Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it. (Psalms 139:13, 14 NLT) You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed. (Psalms 139:16 NLT)

Let Them Fail?

I can't believe summer is quickly coming to an end!  To be honest, this summer has been hard. Between a baby waking up super early and keeping me on my toes all day, to raising a football player, and last but not least, making sure that middle child isn't lost in all of the mix! I don't think a day goes by when I am not completely exhausted. Physically, mentally, and a times, even emotionally. I ask God frequently why I have such an active baby!!?? I cry at times not knowing if I can juggle all 3 kids. This is the real stuff. Having 3 kids in 3 different stages of life is exhausting!! This is what I have been given though. God sees me. He knows me. He hears me!!! Thank goodness!:)  I know God's plans are bigger and I know His strength is made perfect in my weakness. In my daily mess, literally and figuratively, I have to find Jesus! I can't do it by myself. When I seek him, I find him. That is how I get through each day! He is teaching me through it all. I just have to pause and listen and be willing to let him work through me and change me. A whole lot of changing going on! Having a supportive husband is huge in all of this and I am so glad we are in this thing together.

It's amazing how God can use my little 7 month old to teach me lessons about my 16 year old and my 12 year old. You see, baby is completely and totally out of the mold!! So much, that it gets frustrating at times! He is completely different than big brother and big sister. The methods I used when they were babies don't work at all with him, which leaves me lost and puzzled. I'm forced to completely trust God's hand in his little life. Knowing God made him like this for a reason.  Perfection is far from expected from this little guy, which causes me to look at my heart and see how I still struggle in this area with my older kids. I've admitted it before, but starting with the oldest, I have held my kids to the standard of perfection. Not intentionally, but through my reactions, attitudes, and micro managing all these years. Thinking if I can just control it all and follow step ABC, then my kids will turn out great! I remember the first time one of my kids didn't make honor roll. I was devastated!! I didn't let them know, but just that attitude of my heart was so wrong!!! My perspective was totally off. Honestly, I think I was more embarrassed of what other moms thought of me, and how I was reflected, but that's a topic for another day. Anyways, Thank God my eyes have been opened. Don't get me wrong, good grades are always the goal, but falling short is not detrimental .

I read this the other day. "Children can't grow without taking risks. Toddlers can't walk completely without falling down. Students can't learn without facing hardships. And ultimately, an adolescent can't enter young adulthood until we release them from our protective custody"( Dr. James Dobson). I feel like I can relate to all three of these scenarios with each of the kids. Guess what baby is teaching me lately?  I can't control it all. There is No Perfect Plan!!! As much as I'd like to believe steps ABC will lead to success, that is so far from the truth. That is depending on my own abilities. Truth is, all of our kids will fall or fail. We need to "let them fail" as one of my good friends says. As much as I'd like to believe differently, it is the truth. It may be minor or it may be major. It may be frequent or just once. I may witness it, or I may be completely unaware. The more important thing is what kind of mom am I when my child falls? What kind of parents are we when we see our kids fail? Are we still loving them unconditionally? Are we focusing on the heart of our child? Are we helping them to grow and learn from their actions? Are we giving God's grace? Believe me, I am speaking loudly to myself! I need this! I'm learning more and more that sometimes the actions of our children have absolutely nothing to do with what we do or don't do as parents. Sometimes it's just life hitting them. Does this mean we stop being supportive, having high expectations, and training them up as God commands? Of course not! By no means do I want to convey that. It's just reality, because our kids are human just like you and me.  Having this awareness while raising these precious gifts makes life a little less complicated.

I remember in Jr. High I struggled with an eating disorder. Was it because my parents told me I needed to lose weight? Was it because they didn't love me? Actually quite the opposite! They loved me unconditionally and they always spoke more than highly about me. My eating disorder had nothing to do with them. It was just the pressures of being in Jr. High. Knowing I wasn't one of the popular attractive girls and desperately wanting to fit in at age 13.  My parents were clueless until one of my friends shared my hardship with them. Do you think at that time they were trying to figure out what they'd done wrong? Maybe even a bit embarrassed? I can't remember details, but I do remember that they intervened immediately and sought wisdom, understanding and help. They loved me through it and praise God I was able to overcome. That's just one of many examples, but it proves what I'm trying to say. More so to myself than anybody!!!

With school starting in less than a week, I find it hard to believe that I have a junior in high school and a seventh grader in Jr. high. Do I have expectations for them? Oh yes! Do I worry about how they will handle their own hardships? Definitely! Do I want to walk the halls with them and save them from falling? Yes! Yes! Yes! The good news is someone far greater than me can do just that. Jesus is before them, beside them, and behind them. He is with them every step of the way! The one thing I CAN do for my kids as they roam those halls is pray for them! Prayer does change things and prayers on behalf of our children can make a huge difference on what happens in their day! Knowing Jesus is right there to carry them, no matter what happens, good or bad, is just what this momma needs. While I stay home and nurture their baby brother, I can have peace in my heart and focus on teaching him all I know of God's glory and faithfulness.  At the same time,  The Lord will continue to use him to teach me.  So, Expectations, yes. Perfection, no. To God Be the Glory!

The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.” (Deuteronomy 31:8 NIV)
When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. (Isaiah 43:2 NIV)
You have searched me, Lord, and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways. Before a word is on my tongue you, Lord, know it completely. You hem me in behind and before, and you lay your hand upon me. (Psalm 139:1-5 NIV)
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. (Romans 8:28 NIV)

Don't Let the Little Stuff Distract You From the Big Stuff

Don't let the little stuff distract you from the big stuff!  This morning I noticed that the chicken salad I made for my husband was still in the refrigerator. It didn't look like he had touched it. So I asked him if he planned on eating the salad. He told me that he wouldn't be eating it. What??? Why not?? I've made it before, I put all the special ingredients in it that I have in the past. He said it just didn't jump out at him this time. A little side note about my husband. He loves his food, if he likes something, he will eat it for a week! One of the many things I love about him. Yes, I was anticipating him eating the chicken salad at least a few days, so I made quite a bit. So, when he said he wouldn't be eating it, I admit, my feelings were hurt. I felt rejection and immediately went into the self pity mode.   I started focusing on my inadequacy to provide good food for him. After all, the way to a man's heart is through his stomach. Right? Not sure if that's the saying but I know it's true! My husband is pretty much the cook of the family, so it makes me happy when he likes something I make.

Was my husband rejecting me? Of course not! Did he complain about it? No! So why did I let this little thing distract the rest of my morning? Like many women, I have the tendency to turn something very small into something very big! One thought leads to another and I'm thinking "I'm the worst wife in the world!" Tears are falling and I am definitely being distracted! Then the fact that I am thinking like this leads to condemnation that after 19 years of marriage I should be past this and on and on I can go! It's not even 8 o'clock yet and I'm a wreck!

I could have easily drowned in my sorrow, stayed mad at my husband and pretty much wasted a perfectly good day! Thank God for his mercies and the ability to open up my heart and my mind! Thank God for showing me that this was the "little stuff" that didn't matter, this was the little stuff that I was choosing to let distract me from the "big stuff" He had for me. The big stuff is what I get excited about! The big stuff changes lives! Draws others closer to Jesus! The big stuff is what I want every single day. Growing in Christ and letting His reflection shine through me. That's the big stuff!

Speaking of the big stuff. One verse I read this week that challenged me was Acts 4:13 "When they saw the courage of Peter and John and realized that they were unschooled, ordinary men, they were astonished and they took note that these men -had been with Jesus-." Other people could tell that Peter and John had been with Jesus. So in my own life, I asked that question of myself within my immediate family.  Would they think that I had been with Jesus in the way I acted, responded, and in my words? The only way for this to happen is to do just that. Trying hard to slow down and spend time with Him. Not the quick read devotion but the sitting at His feet, changing me kind. The Big Stuff kind. Nothing wrong with the quick devotion, sometimes our babies take over and that devotion is like a quick breath of fresh air! There is a time for everything though and God knows our heart and desires. I love that He meets us exactly where we are at and takes us and stretches us for His glory! I want the big stuff! Time to move forward! The chicken salad is still in the fridge, we had McDonalds for dinner and everyone is happy! Tomorrow is a new day! To God Be The Glory!

A Different Way of Fitting In

Last week I was picking up my daughter from dance and noticed the girls with their phones and mine with her basic LG phone. I thought to myself how sad my daughter still uses one of those. I wonder what the girls think of her with her slide out camera? I hope they don't look down on her. I hope they don't make fun of her. Then I caught myself, probably for the 100th time! Caring too much about what others think of my daughter. Wanting to make sure she fits in. Why do I do this? Why do I concern myself so much with her status? I teach her that it's all about the heart, but then I have to go buy her the latest trends so she won't feel like an outcast?? I teach her that we have certain rules and standards but she still doesn't understand why she can't be a part of social media. It's so easy to get caught up in all of this. It's easy to let this world determine how we should raise our kids. At what cost though? What price are we willing to pay so our kids fit in?

I've been blessed with friends in my life who have already walked in the shoes I am in. They've gone through it already. So when they speak into my life and encourage/admonish me in certain things, I'm going to listen! I love the wisdom they are willing to share with me, especially when it comes to girls. One prevalent piece of advice is to stand firm. Whatever standards or rules my husband and I decide on, do not sway from them! If we decide certain clothes aren't appropriate, stand firm! If we decide our daughter isn't ready for an Instagram, stand firm! If we decide our daughter can't be responsible for a $300 phone, stand firm! Every family is different. Every child is different. As our children grow and mature, more privileges will most certainly be given. There is a time though. Words of my friend "don't rush into it". Words of another friend "We still have control!! We still make the rules!".

This is my piece of advice. From one friend to another. From one mom who has failed in this area more than once.  How about we just change our perspective. How about we stop focusing on what we don't have and expose our kids to children who really don't have anything? Children who are suffering from diseases. While our children are having a little pity party, people are being executed in other countries. Perspective. What about we focus on giving to others in need instead of always wanting to receive. Last year I encouraged my daughter to do this and she decided to have a bake sale with her friends and raise money for a food bank. I hope she will do this every year! When we are so busy serving others and giving to others, we don't have time to waste complaining about what we don't have. We definitely don't have time to be concerned about our children fitting in. If our kids our busy giving of themselves to others, that is the perfect place for them to fit in.
To God Be a The Glory!!

Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others. Philippians 2:3, 4

Letting Go When I Want To Hold On Tight

People often tell me that I am so blessed to have a baby boy now. They have mentioned that it will make things easier with my oldest son off to college in 2 years-deep breath. I've thought about it and can't seem to find comfort in that. In fact, I feel the complete opposite. See, in my eyes, no one can replace my oldest son. Even if I had ten kids, I believe I would still have that growing pain. That ache that only a mom feels. Dare I take it a step further and say it's an ache that only a mom with a son would understand. I love my two sons very deeply. They are two different people though. I'm in a season of new beginnings with one, and a season of adulthood emerging with the other.

When my oldest was in elementary school he struggled on the first day of school. Every year. Once he got through it, he was fine. I can't remember what grade it was exactly, but I knew it was time for him to move past these emotions. So, if I can remember right, I had my husband take him in. I didn't hug him. I gave him a high five, smiled, and walked away. Was it easy? No!!!!! I had to let him go even though I really just wanted to squeeze him tight! It was hard. It was the best thing I could do for him though. It was an unspoken way of telling him that it was time. In the following years, it was no longer an issue.

I've watched the little boy who would cling to momma turn into a young man who wants to stand on his own, eager for adulthood and independence. I've had to change my thinking lately. I still see him as my little boy. When I see him as my little boy, I treat him that way. I get offended when his coach yells at him or when he is treated unfairly. I worry about his well being. I try to micro manage him. I'm realizing that everything he goes through is for a reason. It becomes a part of who he is. The good and the bad. The trials he goes through, believe it or not, will help him someday. Knowing he has to fight till the end is a great lesson that he will take with him in life. The reality is, the real world isn't always nice. The real world can treat us like dirt. Who am I raising? Not a little boy anymore. I have to stop seeing him like that. I have to start seeing him as a man. A strong and courageous man. A man who will someday be a leader of a home. A man who will be a provider for his family. A man who will be successful in his career. A man that will be a warrior for Christ. A man who will fight for what he believes in.

When I see him like this, it helps me to help him. Just like it was time in elementary school to let go, it is now time to start the process of letting go again. Just like I relied on my husband back then, I will rely on him now. There is a definite purpose in the role fathers play in their son's life and sometimes momma and all her tenderness just needs to step back and pray. No, my son isn't a man right now, he has a long ways to go, but everything I do will either help or hinder him in his journey to manhood. Yes, I am still chasing him, and letting him know how much he is loved. I am praying purposefully. One day at a time I am letting go of his childhood and slowly embracing his manhood, desperately want to squeeze him and stop time, but moving forward knowing that this is all part of God's plan for him. To God Be The Glory!

So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
Isaiah 41:10
Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.” Deuteronomy 31:6

Starting Over

About twelve years ago I had the privilege to be a part of two different women groups. Not at the same time but within a couple years of each other I believe. One of them was led by an awesome older wiser woman of God and the other was with some friends who all just had a desperate need to get closer to Jesus. One of them around a dining room table and the other at a coffee shop. From what I remember, the wise woman had one agenda for us younger moms/wives. She encouraged us in our role as wives. She stressed the importance of putting our husbands first. Being their cheerleader. Making them happy to come home. She also strongly encouraged us to bring an atmosphere of intimacy in our marriage. Being best friends, affirming one another, being affectionate and so on. She had us all blushing and laughing a lot. My other group decided to read "A Woman After God's Own Heart" together. This is a book that instilled a heart to serve within my home. Pursuing God and His priorities in my life. My husband should come first. Serving him, following him, and loving him as
to the Lord. " And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him." (Colossians 3:17 NIV)

Both of these groups impacted my life tremendously and helped me in my role as a young wife and mother. At the time I had a 4 year old and a baby. Those years can very easily affect a marriage and I thank God for the wisdom I received at the time to have my priorities in order. I definitely wasn't the perfect wife, but I had more of an attitude of serving, and trying to be the wife God called me to be. Even if I failed at times, my heart was in the right place.

Why do I bring this up today? The last few weeks have been crazy! Spring football is in full swing, school projects, dance competitions, then the regular day to day chores, plus piles of office work that never seems to go down! It seems at times that I'm treading water, doing my best not to sink! I am finding myself giving all I have to my kids. Putting my role as mother before anything else. Finding ways to be a better mom, going out of my way for my babies, even dating my kids! Yes, I am being very intentional with them. This is a good thing, but in my pursuit to be the best mom I can be, am I neglecting the man who holds my heart? Am I neglecting the man that God called me to serve and help? Yes, I am guilty. I share this because I know this is a trap that many moms fall in. We mean well, but take for granted the friendship that we have with our husbands. It's normal. After all, adding a new baby to our family after 11 years is a legitimate reason for any mom to loose sight of her priorities!:) The important part is that God gently reminded me of who comes first and He will take care of the rest. Today is a new day and I think it's time to ask myself how I can help my husband. How I can can make his day extra special. How I can respond to his needs in a positive way. How I can specifically pray for him. How I can love him unconditionally. Taking on each day with this mindset and the attitude to serve in my heart will only lead to a more loving, flourishing marriage!
 To God Be the Glory!

The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” (Genesis 2:18 NIV)
My beloved is mine and I am his; he browses among the lilies. (Song of Solomon 2:16 NIV)
I belong to my beloved, and his desire is for me. (Song of Solomon 7:10 NIV)

Because She Loved Me

I was in a rush. No different then any other day. I told her I couldn't stay and I needed to go. I got a glimpse of her waving at us from her living room. It was then that I stopped and savored her expression. It was the face of a mom. My mom. Wishing we didn't have to go, yet excited and happy for what was coming next for us. That heartfelt moment brought me to tears. As I drove away I knew I needed to share a little of my heart as a daughter. Today it's about the lady I am honored to call my mom.

There is a lot I can say about my mom. I can tell you about all the ways she has helped my family in the last year. I can tell you about her heart that loves to give and give and give. I can tell you about the great love she has for her grandchildren. I can tell you about the ways she likes to encourage and support her family. I can tell you about her deep love for Jesus and I can tell you of all she has sacrificed so her family could be better off. Instead I'd like to go back. To the core. To the mom I grew up with. The mom who always loved me unconditionally.

Looking back I cannot think of a time that I didn't feel loved by my mom. I can't even think of a time that she criticized the way I dressed or did my hair. She never kept track of what I ate. I never felt like I had to succeed in order to receive her love. It was always there. Yes, she had grumpy days, like us all, and maybe her patience got the best of her, but never did I feel as though her love changed toward me. I don't think I ever realized how significant that was until now.  The ability to love with no conditions. She loved me no matter what. Then adulthood came, marriage, and family. Still that love remains. She may not agree on everything, but still loves with all that she is. To me, this is the greatest gift she has given me.

As I see my mom getting older I am reminded of how precious our time is together. I am also reminded that this is the time to give back. Not monetarily, although I'm sure she wouldn't resist. It's time to give back with what matters most to her. MY TIME. You see, my mom's greatest joy is her family. Anytime she has opportunity to have quality time with any of us, she will run to it! Even better, anytime she can get the whole entire family together, joy joy joy!! Beyond ecstatic! :)

Mother's Day is a day to celebrate and honor our mothers and grandmothers. I don't want to stop there though. Lord, please remind me throughout the year to give her what matters most. It costs nothing, yet means everything. Time. To God be the Glory!

Step Back Momma Bear

In the last couple of weeks there have circumstances in my life when "momma bear" wanted to come out. In the past I have always justified the momma bear within. Anytime any of my kids were treated incorrectly, rejected, or wrong was done against them, I let that momma bear come out and most of the time my kids witnessed this. I'd tell myself, it's all out of love!! No one messes with my cubs!! Well, God showed me something different this time. 

As moms, we never want to see our babies hurt, rejected, or mistreated. We don't want them to go through difficult situations we may have faced growing up. We don't want them to experience pain or disappointment. They hurt. We hurt a hundred times worse. We carry the heaviness, the aching, like it's our own. I've talked about control before, but this is another example of what can cause us moms to be over controlling. If we keep them in our little controlled bubble of life, they won't experience any of these things. Or if they do, we are ready to attack those on the outside. The problem with this thinking is that when it all comes down to it, we cannot control everything that happens to our babies. 

As long as our kids are living and breathing there WILL be some kind of hurt in their lives. I know this is hard to hear, especially for those with little ones. It's very true though. The question I had to ask myself this time around is what am I teaching my kids by roaring like a bear, ready to give the accused a piece of my mind.  Or even better, wanting to take my child out of the environment that is causing their pain. What is this teaching them? Could my attitude reflect the ongoing problem of entitlement in our kids today? How can our kids develop character, integrity, humility, perseverance, courage, and learn to trust God in their own lives and the lives of others when they see momma bear roaring with anger, being quick to rescue them every time? Does it make sense to teach them to be strong and courageous, then take them out of the very situation that builds this type of character within them? How can I teach them to rejoice in trials when I try to be the savior instead of letting God be their savior? How can I teach them to trust that God will uphold them when I try to fix everything? Yes, we all want our kids to get that part in the play, or earn that position on the team, be liked by their teachers, coaches and those in authority. So when they don't get that part, or they are sitting on the sideline, or they aren't the apple of their teacher's eye. How can we better respond to these situations? How can we respond like Christ?

I'm learning it all comes down to having faith in God's sovereignty in their lives. Yes, if wrong was done we can point it out, but instead of teaching anger and bitterness, we can teach grace and forgiveness. Even compassion. Jesus is the ultimate example. He endured it all and still responded with the biggest act of love ever known to man. Now most everything I am referring to is in response to my older kids. I know with littler ones it is different. I'm in a stage of my life though where my 2 older kids will be grown adults in this world before I know it and I want to do my best to raise them to reflect Christ in all they do.  I want them to stand strong.  They need to know how to handle the difficult situations.  They need to be able to grow from them.  I want Christ to be able to work in their lives. In their hearts.  

Thank you Jesus for this huge lesson in my life. I pray that I will remember this in days to come. So, I'm telling myself. Take a step back momma bear. Be still. Pray like crazy. Seek God for wisdom in the situation and trust in his faithfulness. Yes, there will be times we will need to speak on their behalf and be their advocate, but how much better it will be if we gain the Father's wisdom and go together in prayer about it first. To God Be the Glory!

Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. (James 1:2-5 NIV)

Moving Forward with 5 Lessons

There are often times in life that we go through difficult circumstances. While we are going through it, God is right there carrying us every bit of the way. We have a choice. Do we keep our eyes fixed on Jesus? Do we go into survival mode? I think I did a little of both when I was on bed rest during my pregnancy. I learned quite a few lessons and now that I am in full swing, I wanted to write them down so I don't forget. So this is more of a reminder to myself, but if you can benefit from these lessons too then even better. To God Be The Glory!

1. Mary vs. Martha
    If you don't know the story of Mary and Martha. It is found in Luke 10:38-42. Here is a summary. Basically Martha is the stressed out lady running from one end of the house to the other micro-managing everyone and Mary is sitting at the feet of Jesus. Martha complains about Mary to Jesus and Jesus tells her Mary has chosen what is better. Well when I was stuck in bed I had the opportunity to be more like Mary. Really sit and be still literally. Listening to Christ. It's what got me through each day. Now that life is back to non stop schedules, activities, and a little one completely dependent on me, I can very easily fall into the Martha category. The to-do lists never seem to get shorter. Life's demands will always be here. I don't want to do what's good. I want to do what's better. Sitting at the feet of Jesus before anything each day. That's where it's at. That's all that matters.

2. Hands and Feet of Jesus
    Thank God my situation was temporary. For so many of those around us it is not. My family was blessed by kind and loving hearts. Meals were brought over, transportation provided for my kids, laundry done, cleaning done, groceries delivered, etc. To me, this was love in action. This was the hands and feet of Jesus. I don't want to just be on the receiving end. I want to always remember this so when opportunity presents itself I will come running to those in need. People are hurting. They are in pain, some chronic, some even living their last days. No better way to share the love of Christ. Some great verses to look at are James 2:16, Matthew 25:35, and The Parable of the Good Samaritan, one of my favorites, Luke10:25-37.

3. Letting go of Perfectionism
     This is something that has always been a struggle for me, especially when I get in a certain mind set of how I believe things should be. There's me, my narrow mind and the end result pictured in my head. Well, when you are stuck in bed and have no control over anything, guess what happens? I was forced to let go. At first I got mad, frustrated and then came acceptance. I finally came to the realization that if I wanted peace in my heart I had to let go of perfectionism. Once I did that, I felt FREE. Amazing freedom! In so many areas of my life! For the first time in a long time I was able to really enjoy Christmas! I didn't have to find the perfect gift, have my house perfectly decorated or throw a perfect cookie party! It was so relaxed and the focus on Christ and my little family was all that mattered. There was no rushing through the story, only sitting and being a part of it. With all that being said, I let go because I had to. Now that things are back to normal I feel that perfectionist attitude creeping in again in several different areas. Here is one example. With Easter around the corner I started thinking of finding the perfect outfits for my family, the perfect themed Easter baskets, even trying to convince myself to make that perfect Easter cake. Now I have a choice. Do I fall into the trap and over extend myself? Or do I choose freedom? I am choosing freedom and letting go, focusing on what really matters this Easter. Instead of trying to dress my kids and give them things, I would rather spend my time and energy pointing them to the Cross. To the cup Jesus drank for us, to the blood he shed for us and to the love that was laid down for us. All that other stuff is exactly that. Stuff. Temporary, earthly. Nothing wrong with it, but for me, I get lost in it. In trying to impress, and trying to be super mom. Instead I want to be free!

4. Power in Prayer
    I know that I would not have survived those last months of pregnancy and first months of motherhood without the power of prayer. I never want to forget the importance of having family/friends who I can count on for prayer. Who I know without a shadow of a doubt will get on their knees on my behalf. That is so important! In those moments of desperation, knowing I was covered in prayer was so encouraging!

5. In Sickness and in Health
    In our 19 years of marriage, my husband and I have kind of worked like a team. He does his part, I do mine and everything seems to flow. Well when I couldn't fulfill my part, my husband had to carry a huge load. Not only was he going to work everyday, and as in work I mean business owner. Not just showing up and leaving. If he doesn't work we have no income. If he doesn't sell, there is no pay check. That is a lot all on its own. So, he was doing that like normal then he had to cover my part of the business (billing, accounts payable/receivable etc.), then he didn't just have my son to take to training anymore, he had my daughter now too. Then he had to do grocery shopping, cooking, laundry, and let's not forget taking my daughter clothes shopping! He did all of this and NEVER complained! Yes, he eventually got lots of help but I don't want to take away from what he did for so long. For months, every morning he made me breakfast and brought it to me. Now, all of this is
something I never want to forget. The way he laid down his life, his needs, and loved in action. Selfless love. Devoted love. I am so forever grateful that he is my love and I never want to take that for granted. Ecclesiastes 4:9-12

Before it's Too Late---This Ones For The Girls

My daughter. She is the little girl I dreamed of. She is who I wasn't . She has confidence I've only dreamed about. She is the meaning of affection. She loves to be praised in the little things. No need to chase her, she is always there. She remembers everything. She is assertive. She is very independent, but still likes my approval. She is in the middle. She challenges me. She has hopes and dreams. She is my heart.
About a year and a half ago I started seeing my little girl slowly growing into her own. She wasn't my "doll" to dress anymore. She had her own identity. She wanted to be independent of me. Letting go of that stage of her life was very hard. It actually still is. I need the daily reminder that she doesn't fit in the box I picture her in. She really doesn't fit in any box. She is not confined. She likes to spread her wings, and soar. She may fail. She may succeed, but fear of failure doesn't hold her back. She sees opportunity and runs to it. As her mom, I don't want to see her fail or hurt. I want to protect her from it all. Protection sometimes can lead to control. Her independence and my control led to friction. I had to let go but wasn't sure how. I started getting an urgency in my heart. I didn't want to be that over critical controlling mom. I wanted to let her flourish into the young lady God wanted her to be. I also noticed her body was changing and I wanted to prepare her for the next steps of womanhood coming soon. Preparation was vital in these upcoming years. Preparation for the tween/teen years needed to start right away! She brought me to my knees and after that lots of reading involved, which led to intentional investing. It was no longer about my daughter fitting into my box. It was showing her who she was in God's eyes, being who God created her to be, following after His plans, and about planting this in her heart for days to come.

One of the books helped me in a practical and fun way. It's called "8 Great Dates for Moms and Daughters". We went on our first date to a tea house. The theme was "your beauty in God's eyes" based on Isaiah 64:8. For those of you who know me, know that going to tea is one of my favorite things to do. In fact I have been bringing my daughter since she was 3 years old. This time it was different though. There was a purpose. Not only to enjoy the scones, but to get a message across. She is not a styrofoam cup or an old mug, but she is fine china! It was a beautiful day. I really felt God's hand in it and saw it in her eyes. Her confidence was no longer conditional on how she looked or what she did. It was in knowing who she was as a daughter of a King.

Another book that I used was "6 ways to keep the "Little" in your girl". This book has helped me in many ways. One way was how to address the upcoming changes in her body that eventually would lead to womanhood. Rather than having an uncomfortable embarrassing talk, we were able to focus on the creation of life and how it is an honor to be able to carry a child and give birth. Motherhood is a gift to look forward to in the very far away future. Psalms 139 was a big part of this day. It was an honest meaningful talk between mother and daughter. It ended with a goodie box filled with all the essentials. Now it was something to look forward to, not dread. I ended it by sharing our love for her. We loved her so much but God loves her more!

Now when all of this took place, I had no idea what big change was going to occur in my life. In our family's life. In the following months I found out I was pregnant and our lives were forever changed. I went through some really rough times. Times where getting out of my bed was not an option. At the same time my daughter started 6th grade and went through many challenges. She had some choices to make. Was she going to go with the crowd or stand for her beliefs? Even if it meant standing alone. Her friendships were changing. Her world around her was changing. Her self worth was attacked. Lots of stuff. Very hard months for her. I was there as much as I could be, but not like I wanted.

There is good news! Guess what? All that urgency. All that preparation. It was all for a reason! It most certainly had God's hand written all over it! I am so thankful God put that urgency inside my heart! Oh and I am glad for once in my life I didn't procrastinate. It was so timely! Yes she went through these tough times, and yes she hurt, but because she knew who she was and who she belonged to, she made it through. When that special day came, she knew exactly what to do. She was secure in it. This is only the beginning. There is still so much to learn. We still struggle in our relationship at times, but investing God's truths into our daughters. Life changing! Extraordinary! To God Be the Glory!

I look forward to sharing more details of our dates. For now, I encourage you to get started. One date could be the difference in your girl's life one day.

My Favorite Books:
8 Great Dates for Mothers and Daughters
6 Ways to keep the "Little" in your Girl
Raising a Daughter After God's Own Heart
31 Days of Prayer For Your Daughter (E-book)

The Real Stuff

When I first started this blog, I wanted to make sure I was being authentic. I didn't want to appear to be altogether. I definitely am not. No one is. I've loved sharing stories about my kids and lessons to pass on. That's exciting to share! It gives hope! Today I'm realizing it's much harder to share my personal "real stuff". I wouldn't be authentic if I didn't though. So beware, this is the real stuff!!

Today I woke up feeling tired, fat, and overwhelmed about my day. To be honest, gratitude was miles away from my heart. Today was the first day of "spring break" and I felt no break in sight. Yes, it's for my kids, but momma usually enjoys it alongside them. I couldn't even look at myself in the mirror without being discouraged. Tired. Very tired. Baby boy had a rough night, therefore momma did too. The to-do list for the day was running through my thoughts and instead of doing what I needed to, giving it all to my savior and asking for help, I chose to go on with my day on my own. The yelling voice came out, the adrenaline to get it all done was moving me, not joy or peace. Just survival.

My weight has been a roller coaster as long as I can remember. I've never been skinny. Like any pregnant lady, I want to be back to my non pregnant body. It's been 3 months since I've given birth and I feel huge.  A couple weeks ago I started eating better, moving more, expecting quick results. Really? Walk a couple times and eat a "little" healthier and expect to lose 10 lbs!!?? lol Very unrealistic.  Its actually not even about the weight. I just want to fit into my "non-maternity" clothes. So when I don't see those immediate results and wake up with that bloated feeling, disappointing thoughts take over. Confidence is nowhere to be found. The example I long to be for my daughter has failed. Fun. Not fun at all. I have a choice. Do I get angry and do nothing or do I change my ways? Start over yet again. I really do hope to do better this week. One more thing to add to my mental to do list.

To be honest, Mondays have always been a bit overwhelming for me. I think I try to put the entire week's agenda in one day without realizing it. Add a baby to the mix and it's a little worse. Add having all the kids home on break, a lot worse. Then the yelling begins. Something I hate to admit. Not yelling is something I have really tried to work on. I used to be a big time yeller and God has convicted me over and over again about it. I hate how it makes my kids feel and I hate the way I feel after. So when I started yelling today, conviction and frustration hit me all at once. Then silence. It's not even noon yet and I'm asking God when is today going to be over? My day continued and I did get a few things accomplished. I was taking my daughter to her dance class and saw the big beautiful blue sky. I felt like God was trying to get my attention. He did. I asked him to please show me the good in today and I asked for help. His quiet whisper echoed loudly in my heart and in the great big sky before me. I am with you and I was with you and I will always be with you. He gently reminded me that my husband came home early today. He very rarely comes home as early as he did. Because of this, my day went more smoothly. I was able to do more for my family.

God is so faithful even when I am not. "He sets the stars in the sky and still knows my name." He is so mindful of me and His love will never fail me. Even though I didn't do everything I should have done (pray, read my bible, speak life) , my Heavenly Father still took care of me. His grace is sufficient for me. He knew my heart, my heaviness, my silent thoughts and He carried me and loved me in all of my craziness. He really does "take our brokenness aside and makes it beautiful."
Tonight I will lay my head down, knowing I am so loved. God in all of His greatness and sovereignty knows me and nothing can separate His love from me. Tomorrow is a new day! To God be the Glory.

The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.” (Deuteronomy 31:8 NIV)

When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. (Isaiah 43:2 NIV)

Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint. (Isaiah 40:28-31 NIV)

Chasing God, Chasing Our Sons

Today it's about my two boys. They are intertwined. They are connected. One slowly growing into his manhood. One still small enough to fit into my arms. I am in the middle. Both have my heart. The first is in the midst of his teen years. Tough years. The other, totally and completely dependent on me for his survival. No worry in the world! I look at one and see the other. God knows each of their individual needs. God has entrusted me to raise them both for His glory, not perfectly, but wholeheartedly doing my very best. I can't change the past but I can learn from it. I've made mistakes and I will continue to make mistakes, but each day I want to strive to do better. I wanted to share a little of my heart in how I am connecting the big boy with the little.

When we finally agreed to name our new baby boy Chase, I was excited about what his name meant to us! Our hearts desire and prayer for him to be a God Chaser, to "chase" after God's own heart every day of his life. I know he will be chasing a lot of other things, but this is above all else! For me personally, there was more though. I wanted to make sure I would be able to balance the teen years and infant years. One boy just as important as the other. Remembering a time in my life when I was a bit discouraged about my relationship with my son, I went to my husband with my concerns. This is the norm in our marriage. I take everything to heart and he balances my thoughts. He told me to "chase" my boy. During the times that I felt my son was being distant, I needed to put out that extra effort to pursue him. It wasn't a time for me to feel sorry for myself and withdraw from him. It was so much more. That piece of advice was HUGE to me!! It totally opened my eyes and turned the focus off of my feelings and onto what my boy needed. A great thing to remember I thought. So, naming Chase was also a way for me to constantly be reminded to "chase" my big boy! Not to let him live those teen years on his own and isolated, but to do the complete opposite! So, I'm chasing him.

I know everyone is different, but I thought I'd give some ideas of how we can chase our sons.

1. Praying for them. Where we can't reach them, God can. Never stop praying.
2. Meeting them at their level.  What do they value?  What is important to them?  Sometimes that can be uncomfortable for us, but it is worth it.
3. Chasing them can be silent sometimes. Just sitting with them. Being present and available. Listening with a whole heart and undivided attention. Really listen. You will be surprised at the subtle hints of their heart.
4. Giving them big bear hugs.
5. Taking them to their favorite restaurant. Knowing teen boys, it's more like fast food than anything! lol
6. Yogurt dates. Ice cream dates. Coffee dates. Even Target dates, those are my favorite.
7. Ask questions. Not nagging, be interested.
8. Ask them to help you fix something.
9. Praise them. Little accomplishments. Big accomplishments. Praise them.
10. Most importantly, love them with no strings attached. Unconditionally.

But if from there you seek the Lord your God, you will find him if you seek him with all your heart and with all your soul. (Deuteronomy 4:29 NIV)
Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it. (Proverbs 22:6 NIV)

Compare Your Cards, Not Your Kids!

"Don't let comparison steal your joy" or "Comparison is the thief of joy". I have read these quotes many times and always related it to myself. Don't compare myself with other women. God has called us all on different paths and I need to walk the one he specifically designed for me, not anyone else. Then today I realized this whole comparison attitude goes beyond me, it really relates to my children too. Let's just say baby boy has been quite the challenge lately. Without realizing it, I got caught up in the comparison game. Comparing him with other babies around his age, comparing him with how his brother and sister were when they were babies. In fact yesterday I was at the store and started a conversation with a lady who had a baby that looked the same age as mine. Within seconds of our conversation we were comparing size, eating patterns, etc.. Of course I walked out discouraged. Why isn't my boy eating that much? Why doesn't my boy smile all the time? Why the heck is my boy still waking up at night? Lol I really do know better. I know all babies develop at their own speed. I know these things, yet I still fell in the trap. I'm glad I'm realizing it. Accepting my sweet baby boy is growing just as God designed him to and adjusting my attitude. This doesn't just go for him, it goes for my older children also. I can't compare them with other kids their age or with each other. God designed them each in a unique way. They are God's workmanship, fearfully and wonderfully made. The minute I start measuring them up with others is the minute I start to doubt God's sovereignty. I forget that they are God's masterpiece. I forget that His plans and His thoughts towards them are far greater than I can imagine. All I need to do is trust Him. To God Be the Glory.

"and being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." (Philippians 1:6 NIV)
“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the Lord. “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts. (Isaiah 55:8, 9 NIV)
"For we are God's masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago." (Ephesians 2:10)

Don't Tell Mom

"If we control our reactions in the short-term, we don't have to live with "reaction regret" in the long-term." Lysa Terkeurst

I read this recently and it really hit home with me. It was familiar. Maybe you come from a different family than me, but in my family the phrase "don't tell mom" has come up with my kids, with me, and even with my mom! :) She used to tell me "don't tell Grandma" and I never understood her point till I had kids and guess what I would tell them?? Funny. Why don't we want to tell our moms? Could it be because of how they react. More personally with my kids, could it be how I react? I want to have a reaction that is filled with patience, love, acceptance, trust and grace. Not criticism, sarcasm, fear or condemnation. My husband once told me to be careful how I respond to our kids. I used to freak out at the littlest things. I somehow expected them to be perfect even though I was far from it. He would always remind me that this life isn't Little House on the Prairie, how I tend to imagine things should be. He told me if I respond harshly, that they won't want to come to me. What??! Now, of course I want my kids to come to me in any situation, especially in times when they feel broken, hurt, or that they've failed. I know my mom feels the same way and my Grandma does too. Right? Every mom feels this way, because we carry our children in our hearts. The love we have for them is like no other! None of us intentionally respond wrong, but if we really try to stop, be quick to listen, and speak positively with love when our kids are young, then when they are older, Lord willing, they will be able to come to us with anything. I've tried to keep this in mind and I know it has helped, especially in my relationship with my daughter. I still stumble, overreact, and hear the words "will you just listen", but I also have kids who DO talk to me. To God Be The Glory!

A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. (Proverbs 15:1 NIV)
My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, (James 1:19 NIV)

The Song That Saved My Day

As I was driving today, like always, a million things were going through my head. I was on my way to pick up my daughter from school and flashes of the day ahead of me were making me tired.  I don't know about you, but for me it seems like that is when the day really begins. Kids get home from school and it's non stop till bedtime! I began to think "strength". I started uttering beneath my breath "Lord give me strength".  All of a sudden a song came to my mind.  Not just the chorus, but as I began singing it, every single word came to my memory. Very rare for me to remember anything lately.  It kind of surprised me because the last time I recall hearing the song was about 30 years ago. I was 10 years old and two ladies sang it at church.  I was so impressed when they sang it that I got the recording on tape. I came home and listened to that song over and over and over again. Then of course I would sing it again and again.  Why a ten year old would love this song so much is beyond me.  What I do know is this 39 year old mom needed this song today!  I am so glad I ingrained it in my heart so many years ago for a time like this. A time when sleepless nights come and go and mom is needed by everyone! A time where mom wants to serve her family and do it joyfully. A time where mom needs to start moving more and bringing some romance back into the marriage. This time. This day. God knew exactly what I needed. Maybe you need this song too.  To God Be The Glory.

Strength of My Life
Leslie Phillips

I open my eyes to the sound of morning news and I wish for ten more minutes left to sleep.
And as I get into the shower the thoughts of facing one more day
Overwhelm me and I begin to weep, and I've never felt like I needed your help so bad.

Though my tears are pushed away now for the sake of morning rush, til the bible on the table catches my eye, and I read that you are near to the heart that breaks with grief and I realize that I don't have to try, to live life myself because your ready to help me live

And everyday I look to you to be the strength of my life. Your the HOPE I hold onto to, be the strength of my life.  Be the strength of my life today.

Each day has it's problems. It's troubles and it's tears and it seems I'm always anything but strong, but when I learn to know my weakness I understand your strength and even with the hard times last so long, I won't try by myself , I'll just ask for your help each day.

And everyday I look to you to be the strength of my life. Breathe on me and make me new, be the strength of my life.  Strength of my life today.

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. (2 Corinthians 12:9 NIV)

Seasons

We all go through different seasons in our life. I hope to use this blog to encourage you no matter what season you are in. Last year at this time I was in one of the best seasons. A season that didn't seem to have many challenges. My kids were getting older, I was moving my body more and feeling great! I walked, hiked, went bike riding and even did Zumba! My husband and I were getting out more. I was starting to invest more time with my kids in the things that really mattered. We were giving more of ourselves. I was confident. Free. Life wasn't perfect, but it was pretty darn good. Little did I know, it was preparing me for one unpredictable, hard, painful season. A season filled with uncertainty and absolutely no control. It sounds horrible for me to describe being pregnant this way, but I want to be real with you. Getting pregnant at 39 was not in my plans. My kids were 15 and 11 and I was just starting to really enjoy my freedom. Everyone was so happy for me, yet I was not jumping for joy inside. I wanted to be happy but letting go of my controlled life was very hard. Trusting God that His plans were far better and greater than mine, I really did start enjoying and treasuring my pregnancy. Falling in love with that lil pumpkin inside of me. That beautiful perfect gift from above kept me going when there were days I couldn't get out of bed, couldn't walk, and couldn't do the normal things a mom does. I never thought I'd miss taking my kids to school, activities, or just going to Target with them. The kids who were everything to me had to take a back seat because of the little one growing inside of me. Lots of tears through this season. Today I am in a new season. Sleepless nights, poopie diapers, purest smiles, snuggles, lots of hugs, pajama days, taxi service, and lots of family love. No dates with my husband yet, I haven't exercised, and I pretty much eat all the wrong things, especially when I'm stressed. Just being honest. I have days I feel like superwoman and days that I want to scream! I couldn't imagine my life without baby boy though. He is truly my undeserved gift. Juggling it all and trying to have a balanced healthy life is what I long for. Growing in my relationship with Jesus, my husband, and my kids. Being physically, mentally and emotionally strong. I plan on sharing my experiences and lessons with you, all along the way. I do know God has ordained my steps and these days were written in His book long ago. I have a purpose in all of this and I will trust Him in it all. To God be the glory.

Lesson learned, seasons are temporary. Whatever season God has you in, embrace it and do all you can to make the best of it with a grateful heart.