A Different Way of Fitting In

Last week I was picking up my daughter from dance and noticed the girls with their phones and mine with her basic LG phone. I thought to myself how sad my daughter still uses one of those. I wonder what the girls think of her with her slide out camera? I hope they don't look down on her. I hope they don't make fun of her. Then I caught myself, probably for the 100th time! Caring too much about what others think of my daughter. Wanting to make sure she fits in. Why do I do this? Why do I concern myself so much with her status? I teach her that it's all about the heart, but then I have to go buy her the latest trends so she won't feel like an outcast?? I teach her that we have certain rules and standards but she still doesn't understand why she can't be a part of social media. It's so easy to get caught up in all of this. It's easy to let this world determine how we should raise our kids. At what cost though? What price are we willing to pay so our kids fit in?

I've been blessed with friends in my life who have already walked in the shoes I am in. They've gone through it already. So when they speak into my life and encourage/admonish me in certain things, I'm going to listen! I love the wisdom they are willing to share with me, especially when it comes to girls. One prevalent piece of advice is to stand firm. Whatever standards or rules my husband and I decide on, do not sway from them! If we decide certain clothes aren't appropriate, stand firm! If we decide our daughter isn't ready for an Instagram, stand firm! If we decide our daughter can't be responsible for a $300 phone, stand firm! Every family is different. Every child is different. As our children grow and mature, more privileges will most certainly be given. There is a time though. Words of my friend "don't rush into it". Words of another friend "We still have control!! We still make the rules!".

This is my piece of advice. From one friend to another. From one mom who has failed in this area more than once.  How about we just change our perspective. How about we stop focusing on what we don't have and expose our kids to children who really don't have anything? Children who are suffering from diseases. While our children are having a little pity party, people are being executed in other countries. Perspective. What about we focus on giving to others in need instead of always wanting to receive. Last year I encouraged my daughter to do this and she decided to have a bake sale with her friends and raise money for a food bank. I hope she will do this every year! When we are so busy serving others and giving to others, we don't have time to waste complaining about what we don't have. We definitely don't have time to be concerned about our children fitting in. If our kids our busy giving of themselves to others, that is the perfect place for them to fit in.
To God Be a The Glory!!

Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others. Philippians 2:3, 4

Letting Go When I Want To Hold On Tight

People often tell me that I am so blessed to have a baby boy now. They have mentioned that it will make things easier with my oldest son off to college in 2 years-deep breath. I've thought about it and can't seem to find comfort in that. In fact, I feel the complete opposite. See, in my eyes, no one can replace my oldest son. Even if I had ten kids, I believe I would still have that growing pain. That ache that only a mom feels. Dare I take it a step further and say it's an ache that only a mom with a son would understand. I love my two sons very deeply. They are two different people though. I'm in a season of new beginnings with one, and a season of adulthood emerging with the other.

When my oldest was in elementary school he struggled on the first day of school. Every year. Once he got through it, he was fine. I can't remember what grade it was exactly, but I knew it was time for him to move past these emotions. So, if I can remember right, I had my husband take him in. I didn't hug him. I gave him a high five, smiled, and walked away. Was it easy? No!!!!! I had to let him go even though I really just wanted to squeeze him tight! It was hard. It was the best thing I could do for him though. It was an unspoken way of telling him that it was time. In the following years, it was no longer an issue.

I've watched the little boy who would cling to momma turn into a young man who wants to stand on his own, eager for adulthood and independence. I've had to change my thinking lately. I still see him as my little boy. When I see him as my little boy, I treat him that way. I get offended when his coach yells at him or when he is treated unfairly. I worry about his well being. I try to micro manage him. I'm realizing that everything he goes through is for a reason. It becomes a part of who he is. The good and the bad. The trials he goes through, believe it or not, will help him someday. Knowing he has to fight till the end is a great lesson that he will take with him in life. The reality is, the real world isn't always nice. The real world can treat us like dirt. Who am I raising? Not a little boy anymore. I have to stop seeing him like that. I have to start seeing him as a man. A strong and courageous man. A man who will someday be a leader of a home. A man who will be a provider for his family. A man who will be successful in his career. A man that will be a warrior for Christ. A man who will fight for what he believes in.

When I see him like this, it helps me to help him. Just like it was time in elementary school to let go, it is now time to start the process of letting go again. Just like I relied on my husband back then, I will rely on him now. There is a definite purpose in the role fathers play in their son's life and sometimes momma and all her tenderness just needs to step back and pray. No, my son isn't a man right now, he has a long ways to go, but everything I do will either help or hinder him in his journey to manhood. Yes, I am still chasing him, and letting him know how much he is loved. I am praying purposefully. One day at a time I am letting go of his childhood and slowly embracing his manhood, desperately want to squeeze him and stop time, but moving forward knowing that this is all part of God's plan for him. To God Be The Glory!

So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
Isaiah 41:10
Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.” Deuteronomy 31:6